Even a black belt in sexual combat who is happily married for the fifth time can make these mistakes.
Laurie Watson is a board-certified sex therapist, family therapist and author of the book, who has seen many couples with sex problems in her more than 27 years of practice. And she found that experience or age does not matter at all here. Both neophytes and experienced women can make the same mistakes. If you eliminate them, sex life will become lively and vibrant again.
So what is, according to Laurie Watson, between partners and great sex.
Too vague initiative
Men are simple creatures and in most cases, subtle hints and implicit signals calling for sex cannot be read. A languid look, a turn of the head, a relaxed posture, or the question: “Maybe we should watch a movie?” – for some men, they remain just a look, just a turn of their head, or just a desire to fall on the sofa and turn on their favorite series. Especially if a man is used to being an initiator.Read also
Solution: Men like it when they are wanted too. Sometimes it’s a good idea to be direct about your partner’s sex appeal and your desire to have sex with him right now. “I love your body so much, I can’t wait to hug you” or “I am in such a playful mood, can we retire in the bedroom?” don’t sound so vulgar. Don’t feel like talking? Touch your lover, but also in those places so that it becomes clear to him – you want him.
Too rare mention of your desires
A man may simply forget that his partner likes long foreplay or that she hates cunnilingus. Yes, that’s right – I just forgot that she was turned on by the stimulation of the clitoris, not the vagina. Laurie Watson believes that when it comes to sex, a man instinctively forgets about everything else, including the requests and wishes of his partner, and focuses exclusively on the process itself. Here is such an instinct for procreation.
Solution: remind. About what you love, not love, how you prefer to be touched, and how you should never touch at all. Repetition is the mother of learning.
Too much obsession with body flaws
Most men are great at enjoying the process and the very fact that they are in bed with a real naked woman. Feeling soft skin and being able to kiss and touch it wherever you want – that’s what the partner is thinking at this moment.
Women, on the other hand, often cannot relax because of worries about the smoothness of the legs, figure flaws. Laurie Watson is sure: men see figure flaws, but do not attach any importance to them. The woman is important to the partner as a whole, together with all her imperfect parts.Read also
Solution: you need to turn off your inner critic. Laurie Watson advises relaxing by focusing on your breathing. It is enough to just breathe, feel the chest rise and fall, let go of thoughts and focus on sensations. Then it will be easier to feel how the pelvic floor muscles are contracting, to feel the strength and power of your body, which gives so much pleasure.
Too much doubt about your skill
Porn is to blame for everything: many women think that in real life for sex they need a degree in the Kamasutra and a diploma of a circus equilibrist with 30 years of experience. Laurie Watson has made sure for her practice that most men get along fine without these porno with every second change of position. The main thing is for a woman to feel pleasure from caressing her partner. And how she does it, how skillfully or dexterously, does not matter.
Solution: If in doubt, ask your loved one what exactly he likes. It’s great when a woman knows fashionable oral techniques, but you shouldn’t dwell on the technical side. It is worth being yourself and enjoying the process of studying the body of a loved one.
Too innocent touching a partner
Yes, men are simple creatures, but even the most initiative and dominant people like it when a woman touches them, especially in the genital area. The problem is that women most often touch their partners the way they would like to be touched – very lightly and tenderly. Men often want their beloved woman to take, so to speak, the bull by the horns. And she herself, without prior request.
Solution: Before the jade rod gets into the lotus cave, give free rein to your hands and stimulate it well. Of course, you shouldn’t treat delicate organs like a lump of dough. But a slightly more tangible pressure will not hurt.
In fairness, we note that men also have their own rakes, on which they tread. For example, many are worried about their masculinity, the duration of an erection. These experiences can even cause temporary powerlessness or some withdrawal from the partner. Just at such moments it seems to her that he is thinking about someone or something else. Resentment arises out of the blue.
The key to a successful relationship is trust and the ability to talk about your fears and experiences.